that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
