I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As shirtless as possible
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
