She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
