she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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