one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
