Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
