so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
