And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize