you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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