yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
