My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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