Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
