how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
