you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
