shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
