She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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