I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
