I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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