No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
