Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
