Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Randomize
