oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
