I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
