i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
