I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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