Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
