dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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