Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
