I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
