Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
