there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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