I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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