I wish I could teleport
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
