last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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