And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
