Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
