Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
