I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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