You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
