just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Vodka?
Forever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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