he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you win again, gameday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
