please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
