you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
