he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
