Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
