Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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