Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
