This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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