i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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