I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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