Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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