I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We have started to decorate penises.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
