Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
