For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
