i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize