so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
