I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
