You really coming over, don't trick.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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