I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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