I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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