I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Vodka?
Forever.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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