No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
