I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
