I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
