there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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