Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
