I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
