Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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