I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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