i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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