Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize