how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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