So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
